Bharat Darshan

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Saaza e Kala Pani

I still Clearly remember the afternoon of 23 March, 2009 , the day when I was sentenced for Sazaa-e-Kala Paani.

Though the concept of Kala Pani was abandoned in India soon after Independence. However some unfortunes like me still get those sentences after 62 years of independence. Reflecting on my fate reminds me of “Omkara” dialogue in which Langda Tyagi says “Hamari kismet to gaadhe ke l*** se likhi hai.

I hope you would have till now guessed it right ,ya I got a job in Chennai. Ya in the land where the river of Sambhar , fountain of Rasam flows and mountains of rice are heaped on every plate. I am not saying that it is a bad city to live , I am just saying that it is worse than the worst cities in this world to live.

Everything is so wield and uncanny about the city, and so different from rest of India that you wont feel that you are in India. The only indirect evidence that you can get that you are in India is when you make a telephone call back home ,thankfully you wont be charged at ISD rate otherwise , believe me you feel like you are marooned in some eerie island where you find Aborginals saying Hoola hoo and Zinga lala.

It also remind me that one of my friend called me after a long time and asked about my whereabouts I told him, Dude I am not in India, he was delighted to hear that I was in US or UK , but I corrected him by saying that, I am in Chennai , and said it feels more strange and unknown than US and UK.

Let me talk first about the food. Let me tell you an incident , after giving a 4^th degree torture to my taste buds and stomach for a week , on a Sunday (since we were free that day)one of my colleagues(who also happens to from north) decided to have something that was meant for human consumption, knowing the heavenly place we were in , we kept our expectations low and decided to go for a look out for Poori and Sabzi in Annanagar maket(the so considered the cosmo and the most uptown market of Chennai) .But after a futile search of about 1 hr and 20 mins in the blazing sun, where we inquired about our “Poori Sabzi” in some 17 restaurant ranging from small dhabas to good restaurants , we reconciled to our fate by having a plate of Masala Dosa each.

Food in Chennai is horribly costly unless you are willing to share a seat whit a pot bellied (caused due to indiscriminate and abominable consumption of rice) Anna(gentleman).Your next seated Anna will peacefully have about 2 kgs of rice with 2litres of sambhar and 1 litre of Rasam and then will finish his lunch with about half kgs of curd rice and most interestingly that way he will eat these stuff will make you vomit then and there and then it will cost him just 15 bucks. But for you a decent chapatti, dal meal in a good restaurant (b’coz you get these stuff in only select good restaurants) will cost you around 200 to 220 bucks.

Another incident about the food. I was in Madurai with my AGM for some official work .In the evening we found time and went to Meenakshi temple and after the darshan we went to one of the decent looking restaurants in the vicinity of temple and we ordered some paneer and dal. When the waiter brought the two plates , there was a bet between me and my boss to say which plate is daal and which is paneer. Finally we had to leave the entire stuff and pay the entire bill, as such food we even don’t give to dogs at our home , bcoz even they are animals.

I had similar fiascos while trying chat and pani puri after which I have said to any cooked food in Chennai , and trying to survive on packed food and fruits.

To cut the mattershort , there can be a distant possibility of CPM supporting disinvestments but no chance to get a palatable food in Chennai.

Its all in name

Americans have a very peculiar habit. They always come up with fanciful and high sounding names for even very trivial work people.Like a help in a store is known as Customer Sales Associate. A guy in BPO is known as Cutomers Service Executive.Even the chaiwala in SlumDog Millionaire had a fanciful American name.I think it would be a great injustice if we do not do the same favour to rest of the people around us . So here are the few names suggested for these people. 

 

Garden Boy - Landscape Executive and Animal Nutritionist 

House Maid - Family Environs Upkeep Manager 

Typist - Printed Document Handler 

Messenger - Business Communications Conveyer 

Window Cleaner - A Transparent Wall Technician 

Tea Boy - Refreshments Overseer 

Garbage Collector - Public Sanitation Technicians 

Watchman - Theft Prevention and Surveillance Officer 

Receptionist - Office Access Control Specialist 

Cook - Food Preparation Officer 

Cleaner - Office Hygiene Control Specialist

Marketing Lessons

1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. "Marry me!" - That's Direct Marketing" 

2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: "He's very rich. "Marry him." -That's Advertising" 

3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call and say: "Hi, I'm very rich. "Marry me - That's Telemarketing" 

4. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car) for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say: "By the way, I'm rich. Will you "Marry Me?" - That's Public Relations 

5. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says:"You are very rich! "Can you marry ! me?" - That's Brand Recognition 

6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. - "That's Customer Feedback" 

7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband. - "That's demand and supply gap" 

8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything, another person come and tell her: "I'm rich. Will you marry me?" and she 

goes with him - "That's competition eating into your market share" 

9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say: "I'm rich, Marry me!" your wife arrives. - "That's restriction for entering new markets

The Phenomenal Red Bull

All right, Ladies and Gentlemen, we have done away with our two years here, in this here place now and it is time now to introduce you to our very own best kept secret…peoples, here is introducing The Phenomenal Red Bull… For those of you who do not know The Phenomenal Red Bull, He is amazinger than The Amazing Spiderman, moves faster than the Flash, is stronger than Superman, awesomer than awesomeness itself, scarier than Rajinikant (for the bad guys) and is older and more mythical than The Phantom. Oh, and you remember Chacha Chowdhary, the guy whose brain worked faster than a computer. Well, the brain of The Phenomenal Red Bull works faster not only than the fastest computer any of you might have in your hostel rooms, it works faster than the 20petaflop computer IBM will build by 2011, and of course by then He will have done an upgrade on his brain too, so that by 2011, it will be faster than the 50petaflop computer IBM will build by 2016, and, of course, by 2016….well, you get the idea.

TPRB* (for The Phenomenal Red Bull) has made our life adventurous in these dreary times, and well, as usual he has always supported the underdog, and has saved the business world many times from the likes of Ramalinga Raju et.al. He is also a connoisseur of arts and science, and supports them e.g. by espousing and imbibing the products of the ancient art and science of harvesting from grains the wonderful and magical amber colored or clear liquids which provide MBA graduates without jobs with a wonderful (if unjustified) feelings of wellbeing and happiness. Thus and in many other ways revealed to you at suitable times, TPRB* (for The Phenomenal Red Bull) is the perfect humanitarian. He also espouses the art of culture by making sure (after imbibing the amber or clear grain derivatives) that you listen to singing and music. It is unfortunate that his usual long working hours give him no other time than late in the night or early morning (around 2-3am) to follow his cultural pursuits, but that is also an example of his infinite wisdom, as he makes sure that you will not be deprived of culture, by making it heard loud at a time when you are trying to sleep, by making sure that you cannot. These and the usual superhero stuff you routinely see in movies and read in comics, but TPRB is more than that. For those who are uninitiated…

1.TPRB did not apply to companies to get a job. Companies applied to TPRB to hire him. Similarly, in the interviews that he decided to grant to companies who he decided to give a chance to hire him, they didn’t ask questions of the Red Bull. He asked them questions.

2.Nobody could offer a salary high enough to hire the Red Bull. He accepted a salary low enough so they could afford to hire him.

3.Profs did not teach anything to the Red Bull in the two years he decided to spend here. He taught them.

4.The global economic crisis was not caused due to subprime loans caused by the real estate market crumbling. It was caused because Red Bull decided to purchase a house in USA. Everyone went into a mad rush to offer him their land to him at the lowest rates possible, and the real estate market took a plunge. 

5. The Red Bull did not buy that house in America. He said it was so cheap it was not up to his standards.

6. The Red Bull was a genius even as a child. When he was in standard 3, he got bored with studying Fermat’s Little Theorem and modified it, and told Fermat that he was dumb. Poor guy was shocked at Red Bull’s brilliance, but Red Bull graciously allowed Fermat to take credit for the changes. Depressed at his ignorance, Fermat never wrote any more theorems and so, the Red Bull modified version became known as Fermat’s Last Theorem.

7.After that the Red Bull got bored of mathematics, and decided to go into business.

8.His first business venture was a mustard oil well. In one go he solved the energy crisis of India and ended the hegemony of OPEC.

9.Red Bull can drink more than Devdas without getting drunk or puking.

10.Sometimes, late at nights, he can be seen jerking his arms and legs in a mysterious manner. If you see him doing that, do not be scared. He is just trying to calm down his mojo. You are allowed to call it dancing.

11.The Red Bull does not need exercise. Ever. The extra volume around his midriff is just his excess karmic energy stored there because of the inactivity of the past two years he spent on vacation here.

12.You are NOT allowed to call it a paunch.

13.The Red Bull might someday decide to indulge in the trivial pursuit of playing badminton with you. DO NOT ACCEPT! You might blown away from the court with the shuttle. Or the sweepers might pick your pieces with the feathers of the broken shuttlecock from the court floor, the next day.

14.The Red Bull once decided to jog. He ran so fast the treadmill broke down. Same with the bench press.

15.Old Jungle Saying 1: The voice of an angry Red Bull makes the blood of Profs and Bosses run cold.

16.Old Jungle Saying 2: Red Bull is NEVER wrong!

17.The Red Bull only rarely wears red.

More later.

P.S. The Red Bull is more real than you are, but none of you can ever know who he is unless he decides to tell you himself.And he would not, because he cares too much for you* (*Old Jungle Saying 3: Any one who dares to see Red Bull's face is bound to get 3 D's and explusion from the college if he is a student, and a pink slip if he is working. If is niether...well, he wouldn't get near enough to see the face of The Phenomenal Red Bull in any case).

Guest Post by Sandeip

Corporate Social Responsibility as Business Strategy

After having got 'C' in his exam in "Corporate Social Responsibility as Business Strategy ", a student goes and confronts Prof(TLRR) about it.

Student: "Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?"

Prof: "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!"

Student: "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question.

If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an "A+" for the exam. "

Prof: "Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?"

Student: "What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal?"

Even after some long and hard consideration, Prof cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an "A+", as agreed.

Later on the Prof calls on the student and asks him the same question.
The student immediately answers: "Sir, you are 55 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 23 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you have given your wife's lover an "A+", although he really should have got C, is neither legal, nor logical."

Light Pillars

A light pillar is a visual phenomenon created by the reflection of light from ice crystals with near horizontal parallel planar surfaces. The light can come from the sun (usually at or low to the horizon) in which case the phenomenon is called a sun pillar or solar pillar. It can also come from the moon or from terrestrial sources such as streetlights.

Typically seen in polar regions, the vertical columns of light have been appearing along with frigid temperatures at lower latitudes this winter