Recruitment Process

After undertaking umpteen harrowing aptitude test , psychometric tests which has been designed by recruitment companies after extensive research and lot of surveys and validation , I don’t find any real connect between the true skill sets of a person and the way he presents them in these test. In order to overcome this problem to I suggest a new recruitment method to be followed as I think it would help to reduce this dissonance. This can well be an excellent substitute for long drawn recruitment process of GD , Project presentation and multiple round of interviews.

The Process

Put about 100 bricks in some particular order in a closed room with an open window. Then send 2 or 3 candidates in the room and close the door. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours and then analyze the situation.

If they are counting the bricks.
Put them in the accounts department.

If they are recounting them.
Put them in auditing. 

If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks.
Put them in engineering.

If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order.
Put them in planning.

If they are throwing the bricks at each other.
Put them in operations.

If they are sleeping.
Put them in security.

If they have broken the bricks into pieces.
Put them in information technology.

If they are sitting idle. 
Put them in human resources.

If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a brick has been moved.

Put them in sales.

If they have already left for the day. 
Put them in marketing.

If they are staring out of the window.
Put them on strategic planning.

And then at last but not least. If they are talking to each other and not a single brick has been moved.
Congratulate them and put them in top management.

Way out of present Recession

The story is inspired by Kewat liiti wala who puts up his kiosk outside Kamani Centre in Bistupur , Jamshedpur

So the story...

It is about a man who upon a time was selling “Litti” by the roadside

He was illiterate, so he never read newspaper

He had some hearing problem, so never listened to radio

His eyes were also weak , so never watched television.

But enthusiastically, he sold lots of littis.

He was smart enough to offer some attractive schemes to increase his sales.

His sales and profit went up

He ordered for more and more raw materials .

He recruited few more supporting  staff to serve the increasing customers.

He started offering home deliveries and taking party orders. Eventually he got himself a big shop in the area.

As the business was growing his son who just graduated from college , joined his father’s business

Then something strange happened 

The so asked the dad , “Aren’t you aware of the great recession that is coming our way.

The father said, “ No, I am not aware about it , but tell me .

The son said, “ The international situation is bad.  The domestic situation is going to be worse. We must be prepared for the coming bad times.

The man thought that since his son has been to college and listens to radio and reads newspaper his advise must not be taken lightly.

The next day he cut on the raw material orders , took off all the special schemes, removed the decor of his restraint and laid off his employees.

Very soon fewer people and fewer people bothered to stop at his shop because of the lost sheen and the various offers been taken off.

His sales came down and came down rapidly his profits.

The father said to his son, “ Son u were right. We are in the middle of a crisis and I am glad that u have warned me ahead of time.”

MORAL of the story: Its all in our mind. And actually we FUEL this recession, mush more than it is by not hiring people.

mEN r FrOm MArs WoMen fRom vENus

You know you are from IIT Roorkee when...

1. you attended the phatte sessions of sections during nights in your first year with a lot of enthu.
2. you aspired to get selected in all the "hot" sections with max girls.
3. if you were in ncc, you paraded in front of MBD on 15 august, cursing the day when you chose ncc.
4. if you were in nss, you slept while the others were parading on 15 august, with a smiling face.
5. you cycled all the way to your class uphill on the chemical slope, every single day !
6. from day one, you knew that RJB mess was the worst one around.
7. your heart sank when you first entered some senior hostel of ravindra, azad or govind.
8. you had heard the stories of that "sought after" girl of 4th year and were waiting for the day when you get a chance to see her.
9. you aspired to get placement in some company named schlumberger , without having any idea of what they do.
10. you had no idea of midsems in first year and you started preaparing for it couple of weeks in advance.
11. you actually went to pehla nasha in first year.
12. you had your first chapo by a senior in nesci, after a session of ragging.
13. you were baffled to see the formulaes used for calculating cg.
14. you enjoyed those long leisure time at RJB's canteen, especially during exams.
15. you got a first taste of bumps when entire wing came to celebrate your birthday...
16. ...and you got bankrupted on the next day.
17. you hated when you had to stay for the winter ncc camp, while the nss guys were happily packing up.
18. you had to cycle on those chilling morning to reach 8 am classes in winters.
19. you were highly inspired by some of your seniors in your section, and equally detested some !
20. you prayed to get govind as your senior hostel.
21. you spread rumours about the way hostel lottery is done.
22. you went place to place on your cycles to stick those thomso and cogni posters in your first year.
23. you really enjoyed the thomso pronite in your first year.
24. you really wanted that volunteer certi of thomso/cogni in first year because you knew that it is awesome for your resume.
25. you got all the phattes from seniors that summers should be utilized but all you did was sleep at home.
26. you matured in your second year, and eagerly waited for the bachchas.
27. you hated chemical as it was the coolest branch, with rumors of no studies.
28. if you were in chemical, you were proud of it... p & i were probably close second.
29. you assume that comp science is full of ghissus.
30. civilians think that they are the royals (huh...)
31. you utilized many nights in playing cs or aoe.
32. you utilized many nights in bakar.
33. you utilized many nights in eating maggi at bus tee.
34. you wasted some nights sleeping.
35. you hated when you took earthquake for elective and had to go all the way to earthquake department on those mornings.
36. your study time gradually declined with every semester.
37. your lukkha time continuosly increased with more pool, more bakar, more cs.
38. you started going to library during exams because that was cool...
39 ... or because you could get nice time with your gf...
40 ... or because you could check out girls...
41 ....and if you were a ghissu, because you could study there.
42. you can probably count on your fingers, the number of time you managed to go to mess for breakfast.
43. you can never count the number of bun samoses you had.
44. you hated that alpu was closed on sundays.
45. you hanged out in nesci during classes.
46. you still remember the parathes of SP.
47. you thought roorkee was developing becuase another restaurant opened up.
48. you went to old roorkee for the delicious (and cheap) non veg.
49. you ate endless dosas and chole bhatures at prakash.
50. you always thought polaris had nice food until you ate once.
51. you were thrilled when wifi was introduced in hostels, if you were there in roorkee around 2007.
52. you were thrilled to see the new library, if you have seen it.
53. you somehow managed to get the notes xeroxed the night before exam.
54. you somehow managed to get you btp printed minutes before the submission.
55. you somehow managed to get 75 percent attendance.
56. you thronged the pre placement talks in your third year.
57. you cursed admininstration million times for the beaurocratic system.
58. you always thought to prepare something for the placements, but never actually did. 
59. you wanted to get placed in schlumberger in fourth year, now knowing what they do, only slightly though.
60. you managed the job, you thought you were least likely to get.
61. you gave cat, probably because everyone was giving.
62. you gave gre, but probably never did apping.
63. you spent most of the time of your final semester watching movies or bakar.
64. you always thought that there was so much you could have done in your four years, but never did...
65. ... and then went back to bakar.
66. even today, you remember the lush lawns of the amazing MBD.
67. even today, you remember most of the places in CL.
68. even today, you miss the evenings at ganga canal.
69. even today, you remeber those bhawan days.
70. even today, you use .iitr@gmail.com email id...

IIT

The Indian Institutes of Technology is another name for IIT, which is the acronym for Institute of Infinite Tension, Institute of Indian Technology, etc. These institutes of so-called national importance were set up by the Indian Parliament at various campuses across India, decided purely on merits of political alliances of the ruling party. Operation IIT began under Prime Minister Jawaharlal Nehru to reduce the average intelligence of Indians. Just like Zion in Matrix, where 3% of the people who do not accept the Matrix are gathered together to prevent dissent as a whole, IITs were formed by the Government of India to gather at one place the 3% of the intelligentsia of the country and export them away. The IITs have proved to be very productive, growing from a single institute in 1951 to 16 now (and counting).

Admission

The admission to IIT is via an exam called JEE. Various definitions for JEE have been suggested. The most commonly accepted of them is "Just Engineering and Engineering". The geeks and nerds of India start preparing for IIT-JEE right after entering kindergarten. A very effective test of whether a guy is fit for getting into the IITs is asking a very simple question: "Do you have a girlfriend"? A guy who says anything else other than "What's a girl?" would not get through the test. Girls are considered unfit to get into IITs, though some girls manage to get the application forms as they look like guys. To make sure no girl gets through the system by bribing to get the application forms, the applicants are required to specify their gender and affix a photograph in the application form. Those faces that resemble anything girly are not selected.

The entrance exam, IIT-JEE, is an extremely selective undergrad admission process (accepting less than 3% of their applicants). Whether it is extremely selective or extremely rejective has always been an issue of debate. Sources close to the institute say that it was designed to teach the masses how to face rejection. The original plan was to reject everyone, but the fallout was that people stopped giving the test. Eventually they had to invent IITs so as to inspire people to take the test.

As they say, if the input is right, the output is automatically right. The six-hour Joint Entrance Exam held, as the name suggests, jointly by IITs, consists only of questions on Physics, Chemistry and Maths and not on practical details like Booze, Drugs, Crime, Pr0n etc. which severely distort the quality of the incoming students. Since the Indians are well known for cramming up loads of information, questions in JEE are never repeated.

Recently there have been a lot of protests and demand to admit a percentage of students on the basis of quota system. Their argument has been that IITs have always admitted a large number of students who came through the Kota system, and all they are demanding is correcting the 'historically wrong' spelling. Opponents argue that this will be unfair to the non-Kota (non-quota) students and two wrongs don't make a right.

Education

The IIT curricula is carefully decided so that there is no scope of learning anything. The students are hence forced take up alternate learning routes, most common being Pr0n. The IIT alumni on knowing the tremendous potential of internet, provided all hostel rooms with free and unlimited internet connection. The IIT administration tried to propound their agenda by putting lecture videos on the LAN, but this news is yet to be confirmed as this has not been tried by any student. The IITians are also forced to eat mess food, preparing them for the worst they will ever face in life.

The guys also learn how to make 50 palladins in 25 minutes and get three frags per shot. Some of the creative minds also make a quick buck by selling MMS clips online. Since there are assignments to be submitted every now and then, the guys also learn how to use Googleadeptly. Photocopying centres are provided for every 100 metres of road so that time wasted in photocopying assignments is minimized. Lecture classes are held from 7:30 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. IST (Indian Stretchable Time). It has been established by years of testing that the time can be stretched to as much as 30 minutes beyond provided it is backed by a cardinal excuse. The summary and results of many such experiments has been documented well in a book by an IITian titled "Five Point Someone: What not to do at an IIT". The book also deals with complex issue of dealing with a girl in IIT.

Life and culture (or lack thereof)

When entering the IIT, a guy has two options. The first is to take up the common learning route described above. Since IIT-JEE makes sure a lot of mavericks are selected, many of them also end up being happy among themselves. The girls in IITs (usually referred to as Non-Males and measured as parts of girl per million parts of guy) have to struggle keeping their identity secret throughout their stay in IITs. Sometimes they are forced to tell the truth, like when a gay IITian proposes mistaking them for a guy.

Alumni

The alumni of these institutes have been very successful across the world. Most of them either get frustrated and leave technical education to study management at IIMs, or start a company of their own in a far-off valley. There are also a select few who develop a fetish for studies and end up in institutes like Massachusetts Institute Of Technology. An interesting aspect is that, alumni of these institutes form the second-largest graduate student group at MIT, the largest being MIT undergrads.

 Courtesy:http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Main_Page

 

Gabbar's Orkut profile

This is Gabbar Singh's profile that I came across on orkut :D:D

Lucky Chap

If I look back on my academic career I find myself lucky that I got some fabulous teachers who not only were very good in teaching were also a very good source of inspiration and motivation that made learning easier.

I would take this opportunity to thank them who has greatly contributed to me and making me a person that I am today.

I would like to start in the reverse chronology.

Ya first in XLRI Pitabas Mohanty, be it Corporate Finance, Security Analysis , Portfolio Management , Excel Modelling or for the matter of fact any area in Finance , he is a genius. I happened to take 3 courses of his, and my adoration for him went on increasing in each course. I sincerely wish that he could have taken all the finance course in XLRI. The rigour of his analysis and the immense research work he has undertaken makes him certainly stand out. The ease with which he can explain things and the give sound theoretical background for it is just amazing. No doubt he has co –authored the legendary books with Brealey Myers and Bodie Kane. I sincerely own all my knowledge in finance that I gathered in XLRI to him.

Another thing I liked about his classes were that, he didn’t allow any ACP and DCP in the class  :P :D

The other person has to Prof S .Govindrajan , though took only half of the sessions of Sales and Distribution , but he is another genius of his area. It was first time in XLRI that I did enjoy any marketing course and it was for the first time marketing did make some sense to me, otherwise it has been too abstract for me to digest. Though his rendezvous with me was so small that I cant say much about him but whatever it was it was a great learning experience for me.

In IIT it has to be Ashish Darpe another genius, although a Prof of Solid Mechanics area ,but can teach anything that required brains. Simply awesome brain, memory and aptitudes. Any questions asked in class (how so ever good)pat came the reply. I remember very clearly he catching Keshav for proxying even in a batch of 66 odd people , right on day 4, when most profs don’t even know the name of single guy. The beauty of it was not that he remembered the name but some how he figured out that he was not the right guy. Though one would not get the entire episode , but believe me he was really awesome. Thought there were some other great professors of engineering design But I simply did not have any aptitude for drawing and sketches and as usual struggled with it. But whatever I could understand I thought there were good.

In FIITJEE during my IIT JEE preparation I think I got the best faculty who could have taught an IIT aspirant and I sincerely own my IIT success to them (apart from my parents and friends at DPS RK Puram). Be it the physics faculty Mr. Neelkamal Setia aur Chemistry faculty Mr. Partho Halder they were simply amazing . the clarity of concept and the ease with which they solved students problems were seriously out of the world. They made even very typical problems look like a sitter. However I have some reservations about the Maths faculty dude to a personal reason , it was not that he was not good , but he had the problem of starting the topic with a very difficult problem and the going to super hard , ultra hard and them to mega hard which made me keep guessing as to what was going around. That was may be due to fact that I wasn’t that good in maths as was in physics or chemistry. But whenever I did my initial preparation before going to his class I found them immensely useful, but such occasions were only occasional.

Well in DPS due to a very limited number of courses got to see only a few teachers and maybe amongst them the best I could say is Ms Minu Kanwar was the best. She was quite affectionate and sweet and she would be the only faculty whom I really adored amongst all I got to see in DPS.

Ya in St. Joseph’s  it was Ms Florence ,Girdhar Sir , Lalit Sir . Ms Florence was my class teacher in UKG but still I remember about her till today. Right from the day 1 I went to UKG to the last day of that class in UKG. She left the school after I went to next class. She is the woman whom I respect and adore the most after my mom. The care she took in the class and the way she paid attention to children will ever remain with me. She never made me feel absence of my mom in the school and I never complained about going to school.

 Girdhar Sir for being an ocean of knowledge. Incidentally whatever he used to teach always remained with me. Thought I did not take biology after class X , but still I remember a lot of it till today. His lectures most of the people found boring but I seriously differ. Only the practical gave me nightmares because it required sketches L.

Lalit Sir because of his dedication and perseverance. Thought he was not one born great but he sincerely achieved it with his hardwork and dedication. He was really dedicated for the students.

I would like to close by thanking my teachers  Birender Sir , Mritunjay Sir and Bhavendra Sir who were really great and played a great great role in my academic success.